


I'd marry you (with paper rings)

by Tarredion



Series: fluff for those days <3 [10]
Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: Domestic Fluff, Established Relationship, Fluff, M/M, Marriage Proposal, Sexual Content
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-11
Updated: 2020-06-11
Packaged: 2021-03-03 22:33:57
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,015
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24663154
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Tarredion/pseuds/Tarredion
Summary: Maybe learning calligraphy was of greater importance to Phil, and them, than Dan first thought
Relationships: Dan Howell/Phil Lester
Series: fluff for those days <3 [10]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1663717
Comments: 14
Kudos: 57





	I'd marry you (with paper rings)

**Author's Note:**

  * For [todd_ie](https://archiveofourown.org/users/todd_ie/gifts).



> <3

_It felt real. Being felt real, finally._

_And the moment your lips met mine, bear, I knew I was home._

・・・・

Dan woke because of his own beating heart. Or at least, its harsh hammering against his ribcage was the first sound he heard, mind muddled and all of him weighed down by the tiredness in his bones.

He’d had a strange dream, almost a nightmare, and was now plagued by the desire to scream it, rip it, tear it, unfeel it. So much so that he spun around atop the covers. Met, uneventfully, with nothing.

Wherever Phil was, it was not here. And he was needed; wanted. The love for his _lover_ could never seep out of him. Not even during a long, deep, forgetful sleep. Not for all the nightmares in the world. And, on top of the almost infinite iceberg, he was the solution to all his needs, fears, and wants.

You could’ve heard a pin drop, it was so silent. No snoring breaths, no anxious grumbling, no twisting or turning limbs chafing against his own. He found himself missing the sensation.

A soft sigh rolled over his lips, smooth and tiresome - then he shot straight up, silence broken by a thunk.

Carefully glancing over the edge, Dan investigated the suspicious loudness. _Oh._ He sighed again, burrowing his face in his hands. Just his phone falling of the bed- he must’ve forgotten to put it away last night, falling asleep as soon as his body was entangled with Phil’s and bathing in his soothing warmth.

He clambered back to his own side, shuffling beneath the covers at the same time. Being bare meant getting cold, fast, even if you had the average body temperature of a furry bear in a scalding desert.

A note sat on his bedside table, upon which a single strip of sunshine shone. Dan frowned, unsure of what to do. Phil wasn’t one to leave notes; if he’d gone out without letting him now, there’d be a text but not much more.

Not a fancy cardstock paper, for that matter. Signed off and all, with _Lester, Phil_ in swirly pink ink. 

He found himself snorting. And despite it, he knew it looked more than decent; almost good; despite his perfectionist side screaming, it was, absolutely, perfect. 

One thing his boyfriend had been doing was practicing calligraphy, or lettering, in his pursuit of other creative mediums. It seemed to have paid off, all that practice, and so had avoiding Dan’s presence whenever he’d taken a pen in hand - this was the first time he’d gotten even a proper glimpse of it.

It seemed to be with intent, all that practice. And, honestly, he liked that it was.

“ _Dan,”_ Dan read aloud, though beneath his breath, still with a furrowed brow. “ _A million years, I have known you. Or at the very least, it feels like it.”_

・・・・

_It’s taken me days; weeks; months; years, even, to put this into words._

_I love you._

_I know we say it often, and I know we always mean it, no matter if it’s verbal or not. Shown in physical ways. But the deeper meaning behind it has gone undefined until now. Even if it has not gone unnoticed._

_So I’ll say it. Again._

_Just to see you smile. A coffee stain on your dimple that I can later kiss clean._

_Again._

_When we wake up in the morning, bleary-eyed but still kissing each other senseless. Whispering it against your irresistible lips, in that low tone of voice I know gets you riled up._

_Again._

_In response to you singing songs beneath your breath, so caring and so talented that you almost never dare show it._

_Again._

_With my hands in your hair after a long, delightful shower where I got to shampoo your beautiful curls (...and maybe got some in your enticing eyes)._

_And again._

_Feeling on top of the world, with you, on a confetti-filled stage. Words mouthed or not._

_And again._

_After sex. Sex so satisfying it’s not a chore, not exercise anymore; it’s lovin’ in its rawest form._

_Yet again._

_Whispering it into your collarbone, then biting and kissing your sunkissed shoulders, so bloody gorgeous._

_And over and over and over and over again, because I do._

_…_

_Sorry that got a bit long didn’t it - I’ve been writing them down as they happen.... I know you got a bit grumpy each time I shut myself away without explanation, but i hope you forgive me._

_…_

_It has taken me years to formulate it into words, so many challenges and difficulties stood in our way. Though with you, I could bare them all; scandals and phobia and tragedy and coming out._

_And with that, I know, our first kiss is so similar to the last one before tour, a step further into the limelight, and the first one out and proud and finally known as a couple to the world. They helped me bare it all._

_Each time. It felt real. Being felt real, finally. And the moment your lips met mine, bear, I knew I was home._

_So now I ask you, Dan, if I am home, are you?_

_I am willing to spend the rest of my life with you._ _Are you?_

_Love_

_Lester, Phil_

A scrawl in grey pencil was crammed in on the very bottom of the paper. Dan had to swallow hard before he read it, so choked up.

_ps_

_meet me in the kitchen when you wake up_

_it’s a surprise :P_

・・・・

Warmth spread in his chest, tears glimmering in his brown eyes.

He didn’t know what he was feeling, not quite, but it was a good, warm, and fuzzy feeling. Maybe he was feeling the same way Phil often felt, and often commented on, even in the note - unable to put each and every emotion into words.

And yet, each thing he’d said, and each thing he’d referenced, Dan knew and remembered to some degree. He had to wipe his eyes, he felt so utterly fond and happy. The kisses, the sex, the appreciation, the success… oh, if Phil only knew how rhetorical his question seemed to him, even without the context. Because, of course, he would spend the rest of his life with Phil.

They were soulmates. Always and forever. He’d even shouted it into the world, because he wanted everyone to know. He still did.

Curiosity had also begun to brew in Dan’s mind. His whole body buzzed, each possible scenario rushing through his mind. 

Rolling out of bed, he blindly found a fresh pair of boxers to pull over his naked bottom; it was getting cold, and being bare maybe would be a bit scandalous considering the possible situation, even if he usually would be walking around Phil with it all hanging out. 

Then he quickly ruffled his bed-head hair in the mirror before exiting the bedroom.

・・・・

He came down the stairs on quiet feet, to be met with a barrier between him and whatever surprise Phil had set up.

A faint hum traveled from beneath the closed door. Dan leaned himself against it, pressing his ear to the cold, hard wood. He couldn’t distinguish any particular sounds or words, but he was quite sure a song was playing somewhere beneath the earthy, grumbly tones of Phil’s morning voice - that he loved so much. A chilling tingle traveled up his spine, and he could barely restrain himself from kicking down the door and tackling his boyfriend to the ground.

Instead, he gently pushed it open. Phil’s voice became clearer, and Dan could now hear his footsteps over the soft music. He’d move, though only occasionally.

The room was dimly lit, the blinds drawn and candles lit around the room. Sweet floral from the candles, and a background tone of hearty breakfast, filled his lungs with each breath. The intent was as sweet as the smell itself - even if he’d usually be slightly concerned of the Phil and fire combination.

Dan snuck through the door frame, his eyes crinkled in happiness and glancing around the room. Though he must’ve taken one step too loud, for Phil stopped humming, wherever he was.

He entered their kitchen, following the shuffling of feet, to see him hunched over the counter. His glasses were falling off his tired features, and his unwashed post-sex quiff drooping, black hair astray. 

Dan felt his mouth quirk. He desperately wanted to brush the stray strands up and run his hands over his scalp, combing through with nurturing attention.

“Hey.”

Phil’s head shot up, eyes blue, slightly bloodshot, and wide behind the glass. The look of affection and simultaneous surprise tugged on the strings of his heart. 

With a shrug of his bare shoulders and an appreciative smile, he greeted him back, before returning to whatever his pale hands were fiddling with. “Hi.”

He looked beautiful, all of his long and lanky body, and his milky, freckle-speckled skin. His boxers hung low on his hips, tight and showing each feature and bump and curve that Dan loved. Back to front.

He was working so efficiently with whatever he was working on, that Dan almost didn’t want to ogle him and disrupt him - he forced his gaze away, despite his throat drawing dry at the sight of his hairy, broad chest and all around gorgeous physique.

Because of that, Dan suddenly felt a bit impatient. He took yet another step closer, hands treading on his hips. “So,” he began, voice almost a bit sharp, even if he didn’t intend on it to be. “What was your little note about?” 

He noticed the way Phil’s teeth sharply clamped down on his tongue at the mere uttering of those words. “You’ll… find out very soon,” he said, after a few seconds of itching silence, tongue still between his teeth.

・・・・

He sat him down on the sofa. Their fingers slotted together with ease and familiarity, and Dan could feel Phil’s pulse so clearly it sent shivers up his arm. He smiled, again, prompted by both nostalgia and excitement. Whatever Phil had planned, whatever his handcrafted note and praises of affection lead to, it would make his heart race even faster than it already was.

Then again, his heart always beat out his chest in the presence of the glorious, amazing Phil.

“Just- just wait here.” They both let go with hesitation, Dan sinking into the seat as Phil’s footsteps once more disappeared away. “I’ll be right back!” 

The blinds fluttered slightly; a window must’ve been open somewhere in the apartment.

Despite his almost naked body being exposed to the unseen elements, and the cold of a morning without light, the closeness of Phil, no matter how far away he was, never failed to heat him up from head to toe. If he could catch a glimpse of himself in the mirror, he’d guess his rosy patch was loud and clear and absolutely visible.

It was with soft footsteps and slow movements that Phil made his way back into the room. He seemed so heartbreakingly nervous, but Dan couldn’t quite put his finger on what for.

Something was encased in his cupped hands. “I always feel like I’m nobody,” he whispered gently, fiddling with it. “Except for when I’m with you.”

Dan swallowed. He could only muster up a small, shaking smile in response.

“You-” Phil pushed his hair off his face, smiling so prettily. “- _you_ make everything better, Dan. You make everything I do, and everything I am, feel special.”

_It couldn’t be what he thought, could it?_

Dan folded his hands in his lap, his own heart thumping beneath his ribs. The candlelight flickered softly, shading Phil’s high cheekbones and pretty blue eyes fiery red. He only moved closer, and closer, until they were practically slotted together. Each freckle that dotted his milky white skin, like stars upon the sky, was as clear as day to him. Oh so familiar, too.

“What I said is true. And it always will be.” He spoke so softly, so closely, that all Dan could hear, see and feel was him. And he wanted it to stay like that forever; if the rest of the world was sucked into a void, but they’d still exist, alone in the darkness, emptiness… He wouldn’t complain one bit.

“Dan…” Phil spoke his name, caring and intimate in tone of voice, like it held all the secrets of the world, and all its truths.

Looking down at his hands, Dan saw the way they gently shook. His arms were covered in goosebumps. And he wasn’t one bit cold. “Yes?”

Slender fingers cupped his face, his left cheek stroked and kissed as tears filled his eyes. Phil was always able to soothe him; though maybe he’d crumble anyhow, this time. 

The skin beneath his touch prickled. “Dan…” he continued almost breathlessly. “Will you- Will you-”

His breathing struck Dan as uneven; disturbed, distraught. Phil’s stutter got caught in his throat, and his adam’s apple bobbed before he parted his glowing pink lips to speak again. 

“Will you marry me?”

fuck

Unsure whether to cry, collapse, or kiss him, Dan’s eyes simply flooded with tears as he opted for all three.

His hands tangled themselves in Phil’s hair, god forbid he knew how they ended up there, and his glasses got knocked off his face as their lips crashed together violently, two tall waves on a stormy sea.

He sang his praises high, between each quipped breath. Half his soul, as the poets would say.

Phil still had more to say, but his protests were smothered by more wet tears and more wet kisses. He didn’t seem to mind though, and eventually Dan was too out of breath to make any more effort than to pull him into his lap, lazily wrapping his arms around him.

“Tired.” he mumbled into the crook of Phil’s neck. “Love you.”

“Sure you do, but I wasn’t quite done yet..”

“You can’t complain,” Dan laughed softly. “I’ve kissed you senseless.”

“You kissed yourself senseless-” He seemed just as impatient, and Dan swallowed his next witty response together with the feeling that came with it. “-and I _really_ wasn’t quite done yet.”

He held it up. Silver, smooth, and two black lines lining the edge.

“A ring. You need a ring, Dan, or else this proposal would never be complete.”

“I’d marry you even without a ring, spork.”

“... then why did I even buy it?” Phil blinked owlishly.

Dan shook his head at his ridiculousness. “It’s… it’s beautiful,” were the only words he could find to describe it, but it seemed to be enough for Phil, who’s eyes crinkled.

“Good.” Another peck by his plump lips. “Only the best for you.”

Dan slipped it on, suddenly lost for words and teary-eyed. It fit like a glove, of course, and the quality made it seemed like Phil had cashed out on it. None of that mattered, however, in the grand scheme of things. This meant love. It meant desire.

It meant everything.

Meant everything, just like everything else he’d ever had the chance to do with Phil.

“Thank you,” he stuttered out between choked-up sniffs and heartwrenching wimpers. Phil, who’d put his glasses back on, bumped their noses together.

“Come on,” he said. “There’s breakfast in the kitchen. It’s good to cry, so cry more, but let’s not let the bacon get cold…”

Dan could do no more than chuckle at that, though his laughter was wet and croaked. 

・・・・

“Am I not more important than food?”

“... What if I love you as much as food?”

Dan rolled his eyes. “Doesn’t make it any better!”

“Well bitch-”

“No swearing at the dinner table, Lester.”

Phil set down the plate with a clang. Dan winced.

_“You_ can’t call _me_ Lester anymore,” his fiancé -oh god _fiancé-_ announced gleefully. _“We_ are Lester.”

There was nothing to debate there. 

The kiss he was pulled into wasn’t to be debated either. He loved it. The taste of Phil’s mouth and tongue and lips against his, and the feel of his teeth nibbling his skin… he got lost in it, so deep and unearthly, so familiar.

They ate breakfast once they could pull apart willingly, feeding each other like giggly messes. And like the slobs they were, cereal and milk went everywhere, starting an argument over who’d have to clean it up.

“You’ve got milk above your lip,” Phil laughed loudly. “Milk mustache man! You should replace the dodgy one with that.”

“At least _I_ don’t look old.”

“Hey!”

Dan won rock paper scissors, of course, and therefore put out the candles while his future husband - oh god _future husband_ \- smoothed out their splatters of milk and cleaned up their trail. For about an hour, the whole house echoed with the clanks and clinks of cutlery.

He also fed Norman, the oblivious yet adorable betta sending bubbles in his direction, making sure he both laughed and blushed. God, if even a fish knew how he felt, he must be obviously fucked. 

・・・・

Until Phil came back upstairs to get dressed, he hid on the floor of their bedroom, a dazed smile and look in his eyes. Only at the suggestion of a celebration shower did he snap out of it, reality more suitable and enjoyable than the dreamland he’d created years ago in his head. Because it was all coming true. They had a -for them- quick mutual wank beneath the hot, streaming water, after which the day seemed to continue as normal.

・・・・

Cuddling on the couch hours later, Dan close to Phil’s broad chest and their fingers slotted together, the engagement and the prospect of the future had sunk in.

“Y’know,” Dan whispered warmly against his collarbones, exposed by the low v-neck t-shirt, turning away from the cheesy reality show playing silenced on the TV. “I cannot believe it’s been almost eleven years, and we’ve come so far. Holy fuck, we’re getting _married.”_

Phil chuckled, before placing a gentle kiss on his scalp. “Sap.”

“Hypocrite.”

“Here and now, that’s a good thing, you buffoon.” 

The silence continued until Dan craned his neck to look him in the eye. “I love you,” he spoke, lips well-kissed and dry. “To the moon and back.” 

“Love you further,” Phil retorted, gasping softly when Dan’s mouth attached to his jaw once more that day.

He continued kissing, with intent, marvelling in the rapid rise of Phil’s chest. “Mhm… sure you do.” 

The tv-show forgotten, Phil wrapped his arms even tighter around him, cheeks cupped by Dan’s big hands as he continued further up to kiss his lips, nose and the rest of his face. Their hearts beat in unison, skin crawling with electricity.

Hands now in his hair, Phil melted into the movement, just as rhythmically meeting his lips. His own fingers played with the fabric on Dan’s hips, the tips tasting flickers of skin between the folds.

This continued for a few more minutes, or longer - time didn’t exist any time they got lost in each other. Whether it be like this, during sex, or their weekly mario kart tournaments. Or any other time that it was just them two, able to indulge.

・・・・

Behind the blinds, the sun was sinking. Dan had laid his head down on his shoulder, back to absentmindedly watching the red sky, as fiery as the feelings blossoming within him. That sun would rise again, as magnificent as their future together, a future as eternal and cemented as the prospect of another sunrise. 

“Dominos or Indian?” Phil eventually asked, having turned the tv off. His stomach grumbled softly beneath Dan’s palms. 

“What do you think?”

“... they both have dips, Dan.”

“Not… not what I meant, but okay.” Dan shook his head as best as he could. “Which one would you like to eat? You can choose.”

Phil whined in retort; “But I don’t knowww.”

“Well, which one are you least likely to regret?”

“The one you choose?”

He blinked, furrowing his brow. Then he met his blue eyes, so questioning, so quiet. “That’s just dumb logic, spork.”

Dan still chose. Dominos it became, the one he was least likely to regret for that night. Also the most romantic option, according to him. But he didn’t say that out loud, thinking Phil would just book an impromptu flight to Rome if he had. And right now he only wanted peace, quiet, and relish the moment in the home they’d built. 

With Phil, of course. Always. Just as long as they were home, and mostly alone.

・・・・

Dan woke the next day, not to the beat of his own heart, or because of a nightmare, but to the sound of his fiancé’s voice behind their closed bedroom door. 

“Yes, yes, that sounds lovely…” 

How he got from a note left to him in the morning to here, engaged and whatever came with it, he wasn’t quite sure, but it must’ve been an act of fate. He untangled himself from the white and blue covers, nose wrinkled and eyes itching with grogginess.

“Mum?” There was a pause as Phil seemed to gather his courage; it was apparent in the way he spoke, Dan knew. “I… I have something to tell you.”

He could imagine Kathryn’s calm _Yes child?_ in response.

As much has he felt delighted, Dan was also immensely curious. Often more than he let on. He padded across the floor, careful not to trip over last days strewn-about clothes. Once by the door, he quietly listened in to Phil’s soft, nervous voice.

“No no, tell Dad it’s nothing to worry about,” he said. “I just-”

Dan sucked in a breath.

“I- I proposed to Dan yesterday.”

Even over the phone line, and behind that closed door, he could hear his soon-to-be mother-in-law gushing over the two of them. She sounded almost more excited than he had been, which was nearly impossible, but it didn’t stop him from smiling wildly.

“Yes, yes, I’ll tell him you said hi- No, I won’t forget to call the others either…” 

He creaked the door open, just to hear Phil say fondly; “Oh, actually, mum… I think he’s awake.”

There he stood, a smile on his face and back against the wall, and Dan hugged him tightly with longing and the slightest inkling of lust. Phil squeaked at his touch, Kathryn on the speakerphone laughing heartily.

“Now, now boys,” she chuckled between static. “Keep yourself together, now-”

“Mum!”

“-and say hi to Norman! Bye! We better see you la-”

Phil turned the speaker off, pressing the phone to his ear with his face flushed. “Mum, I’ll call you later, alright?” he stuttered out, Dan succumbing to silent laughter between placing light kisses on his cheek. He didn’t actually want anything to come from this; he was trying to rile Phil up, making him as embarrassed as possible.

And once the call ended, it turned into more of a swaying dance down the hallway, a song Phil chose playing in the background. Dan clung on his shoulders, Phil’s hands around his midriff, his ears glowing red and his eyes filled with tears.

“God, I love you so fucking much,” Phil whispered out, as if though the world and these walls hadn’t heard millions of times before.

“Great.” Dan brushed his curls out of his face, swaying more loosely. “So, would you like naans, naans, naans or dick to fill your holes t’night.” 

Twisting his face in disgust, Phil shoved his shoulder away. “Gross. Shush.”

“No, never.”

“No? That’s not what your mum said last night,” he mocked, rolling his eyes.

“Aaand I officially hate you.”

“Sure you do. _I_ hope you’re not proposing a divorce, or a custody battle over Norm; we’re not even married yet, babe.” 

But they would be. Even if Dan would have to go to hell and back for it. In love, in spirit -with the soul he didn’t have-, and with his husband-to-be by his side. Because he was in love. And he’d always be.

With pride, standing tall, and hand in hand. Very much alive, he was in love.

  
  


**Author's Note:**

> reblog here / see moodboard:
> 
> <https://tarredion.tumblr.com/post/620642150953189377/id-marry-you-with-paper-rings>


End file.
